Domestic Violence

I recently heard about the death of someone I had known for many years, and was told they had committed suicide.

That knowledge is horrible in itself, but what is even worse is what led to it.

This girl had problems - let's face it, it is not uncommon. But she had more than most. And her biggest problem was that she was the victim of domestic abuse.

Having never been in this situation myself, I find it hard to understand why a woman would go back again and again to a partner who abused them. I know there are psychological issues at work here - like self worth, self confidence. People have a way of putting others down so they no longer value themselves.

There are supposed to be systems in place to protect victims of domestic abuse. And they do have their limits. After all, what can places like Women's Refuge do if a woman keeps going back to their abusive partner.

But others have their role to play too. The law allows for protection orders, but where is that protection when we need it? What I fail to understand is, why are these orders not enforced if they're breached time and time again?

We have a huge problem of domestic violence in this country. Yet we always seem to be the ambulance at the bottom of the cliff, rather than the top. Money and other resources is always put into shelters for victims of domestic violence (and this in no way excludes male victims), but in a lot of cases, this is too late.

Why are we not preventing domestic violence to begin with? Why are we not putting more effort into uncovering the issues of why and how this happens? Yes, it would take a lot of resources, but there are far too many families that fall into a vicious cycle of generational abuse. They either become victims themselves or become the abusers. We have to break this cycle.

There is no excuse for this kind of violence. No one should ever feel unsafe in their own home with their own family.

No one.

Death of a Pop Icon

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Michael Jackson died today. It feels a little surreal because he was the one popstar I liked as a child and the Thriller album was one of the first I ever really owned. I was twelve, and I think my brother gave it to me for my birthday.

I've never been a huge fan. I certainly wouldn't have gone to a concert of his. My liking for him dropped in recent years, only because I stopped understanding all the strange things in his life. Personally, and I don't want to offend anyone, I think Michael had some serious emotional issues.

I do understand why. I remember reading that he had plastic surgery before Thriller, and it wouldn't have surprised me. I watched the biographical movie on him and I remember a scene where he was looking critically in the mirror and saying how much he hated his looks. I think all the plastic surgery was an effort to rid himself of self-esteem issues, and that I can understand. If I was offered the chance to change my looks (at least get rid of my glasses and straighten my teeth) I would jump at it. So I did understand where he was coming from. But he should have quit while he was ahead. The photo I remember is from his Thriller album and at age twelve, I thought he was beautiful. But hell, what does a twelve year old know? And I've had a few years to think about that.

I'm sure I'm not alone in being shocked at his death. I always thought fifty is too young. My grandmother once said seventy was a good age - any above that was a bonus. I lost my dad when he was 59 and that was way too young. So Michael was way too young to go.

If I had to choose a favourite song, I don't know if I could pick anything in particular. But the lyrics to Man In The Mirror always spoke to me. Especially these:

If you want to make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself
Then make that change

Maybe Michael was a very unhappy man. When it comes down to it, he might have made a lot of money doing what he did, but did it really make a difference in his personal life? Yes, he will be remembered for his music, but he will also be remembered for the odd things that happened in his life. We should remember him for the message he tried to give through his music. A plea for tolerance, an effort to change the world. We can only do that by changing ourselves.

Rest in peace Michael. The world will miss you.