Health

My health is not the best. Neither is my self-image, if I'm allowed to be frank here. There are several things I really do not like about myself.

The most important thing is this. My top half. From my shoulders down to my hips. There is lots of room for improvement.

But the toughest thing about being on your own is there's no one to encourage you. No one to tell you to get off your butt and go to the gym. No one to make sure you're eating right. And trust me, I don't. Although I have been trying very hard this week and I think I'm doing all right so far.

But through all the research I've read so far, and trainers that I've talked to, I've been told that there is one thing I will never get rid of. No matter how much I exercise. And that's my big chest.

You can probably already tell, I'm really sensitive about this issue. For several reasons.

A few years ago, I was employed in a job where I had to go out and about and talk to people. And one of the things that really bugged me was that whenever it was a man, all he would look at was my chest.

You're probably thinking: what's wrong with it. Let me whisper in your ear. I'm a 'G'. And that is actually really huge for my frame. I'm not big. As in big-boned. I don't think so anyway.

And honestly? I think any person who focuses on a person's chest rather than their face is actually being really rude.

Call me over-sensitive, but I've had people comment on the size of my chest. And they've used other words to describe the situation. There is a certain word that I cannot stand using. I hate hearing it from other people. Okay, so it's not a curse word, and most people wouldn't consider it that bad, but it makes me so embarrassed I wish the earth would open up and swallow me. I'm sure they don't mean to embarrass me, or to sound bitchy (especially as it's coming from other women), but they do.

I have a certain photo up on another site and I'm embarrassed by it, because it shows how big I am.

What gets me is, I know some other women who would give anything to have my 'attributes'. I used to work with a girl who is only 17 and she's talking about getting enlargements. All I can do is shake my head and ask why. There is absolutely nothing wrong with what she has. She's lovely as she is. And to all those other envious women, try having constant headaches, rashes, back pain etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

And the point of this, I feel, rather embarrassing blog is to complain about the state of the health system in this country. The problem here is, while I have considerable issues in regards to my size, I cannot get the help I need unless I go private. Because this is something the health authorities consider to be cosmetic. Which I find completely insane. And I cannot understand the priorities of a health system that forces someone to jump through a lot of hoops just to get the help they need, especially when this is something that is just as much genetic as it is a weight and diet issue. Or else force them to spend money they could be spending on other priorities. Like food, shelter, etc.

After all, if they're talking about funding gastric band surgery, then surely they can work something out. Don't you think?